Sebas Kicks Ass

2008-10-17T10:28:00.004-04:00

A New You, or Me

2008-02-09T17:30:00.000-05:00

My first appearance in several years on The Regular Guys:

download Craigslist Confidential - Star Trek Deep Space 69

Here's the unedited (pretty much) story:

download Craigslist Confidential - Fan Fiction

A Night in Atlantic Station

2008-01-24T11:59:00.000-05:00

[Bear that this is done with voice dictation software]

I'd be interested to hear what the numbers are behind Atlantic Station. I keep hearing how subsidized housing pretty much screwed the whole situation by cramming low income folks, (Democrats), into a decent number the nice new apartments, condos, and town houses. The story I heard before I went there Friday night was from a "girl_friend" who said she couldn't afford an apartment in Atlantic Station, because the cheap apartments were only given to people making less than $20,000 a year. So, I guess by "numbers" my question is how many poor people live there. And, by that, I mean, how poorly the waiters and waitresses get tipped.

Cut to three hours later. We're walking back to my car when we hear a large commotion and see tall typical Atlantic Station patron hauling ass past us in white and red of matching athletic gear, complete with oversized, tilted to the side, wiggity-whack hat. He was chased by a smaller guy in a waiter's uniform and a similarly-sized chef.

"Stop that nigga," commanded the waiter. (It was okay, all three were black :-)).

Struggling behind was a short, female, overweight cop. She didn't yell any racial slurs, but if she decided to, it would have been OK too.

As the quartet of potential jail time rounded the corner to the underground parking stairwell, I thought, "this seems way too interesting not to become involved". I told my girl that I'd call her in a minute, and dashed toward another stairwell where I knew I could cut the group off. It was clear when I've reached the parking deck that the chasee was gaining a lot of ground on the shorter, less athletic, and likely less motivated chasors.

Unfortunately for our would-be urban roadrunner, the Atlantic Station police apparently have a good deal of practice at cornering scofflaws. The perp was quickly surrounded. And they were real cops.

As our hero weighed his options, (he certainly was dressed for more sprinting). He waffled perhaps a beat too long. The closest of the three circling cops instructed him to get on the ground. From your watching of "Cops", you know that the perps usually do get on the ground slowly, but, as is the cop's prerogative, a good knee to the back, pepper spray, or baton tap is still in order. This time, our perp hesitantly put his hands behind his head, which was just enough time for the first cop to whip out his baton and whack the holy Shia out of the middle of my buddy's back. One more hit on the back of the shoulder, and then a wicked shot to the left kneecap produced the desired effect, which was a shout of pain and our perp on the concrete. A few more baton shots for good measure, and the cuffs went on.

In case you weren't aware, police batons aren't the old dowel-style billy clubs of the 1850s. They are the collapsible, military-grade, hippie skull cracking-style. Or, in this case, good for some black on black justice.

When me lady finally caught up to me, she said she overheard the patrons of the generic chain, (California Pizza Kitchen, TGI Friday's, whatever), that our felon and a girl were apparently in a verbal argument, whereupon, our friend cracked the girl across the face and then fled the restaurant, which is where we met the fellow.

So, it appears that our hero will be spending quite a bit of time in jail, (and judging by the baton shots, the hospital), because he broke one of the cardinal rules of being a dude: "If you're going to do it, wait 'til you home, and never in the face."

[Look for more of these in the future, as I finally reinstalled the pirated voice recognition software. I think my writing will suffer because of a lack of typing, but I'll get better.]

Stand Down Episode 3 - blast from the past

2008-01-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

There are plans in the works for this, but different.

download Stand Down Episode 3

Let's Get Political 3 - also obsolete

2008-01-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

download LGP Week 3

The last of Stabbery, at least in this rendition.

2008-01-18T13:27:00.000-05:00

download Dear Stabby 01/09/07 Part 1

download Dear Stabby 01/09/07 Part 2

Let's Get Political Week 2 - Now Obsolete!

2008-01-17T19:14:00.000-05:00

download LGP Week 2

Jingle "Balls", you say?

2008-01-13T13:32:00.000-05:00

Cleaning out the closet:

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Jingle Balls

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Playing With Myself

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Bust a Nut

Ringing in the new year with a blackout.

2008-01-04T19:12:00.000-05:00

DUIQ, volume 2, episode 1.

download DUIQ 01/03/08

Stand Down Episode 2

2008-01-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

Enjoy the second edition of a bit that needs to make a comeback.

download Stand Down Episode 2

What's that dried in your beard?

2007-12-31T13:18:00.000-05:00

Here's the last of Saint Horniclaus for The year.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Moaning All The Way

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Dashing

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Bend Over

I guess I never posted this

2007-12-28T11:39:00.000-05:00

The original Stand Down segment.

download Stand Down Episode 1

Tons of Mexicans

2007-12-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

This just goes to show you, if you come from the right angle or perspective, you can get away with talking about racial things and be pretty funny with it. Not from my show, but a pretty good overview of the situation:

download Carolla on Illegal Immigration

If Bill Gaines created a horny Santa?

2007-12-23T15:16:00.000-05:00

More of that great raw Santa audio.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Juggle Balls

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Naughty Mommy

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Give Me a Lick

Since I recently re-subscribed, and my Dad got me into this back in to the 80's, I found the interview intriguing - especially the contrast with views on advertising and licensing.

Grody Santa Sayings

2007-12-19T19:02:00.000-05:00

Disgusting raw Santa audio.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Naughty Momma

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Mistletoe and Balls

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Twas the Night Before XXX-mas

Could Jesus play in a band so awesome that it would rock off his own socks?

2007-12-18T05:53:00.000-05:00

This is a band called, "Neon Cross". I suppose it's bright and glowing, almost like it were on fire, but not quite.

download Neon Cross "Son of God"

Walkin' with Gawd

2007-12-17T08:10:00.000-05:00

Remember "Heaven's Metal"? It's a bunch of hair metal bands who love Jesus. Here's another track I lifted off the tape set I got at Goodwill. It's a band called Whitecross performing their smash hit, "That's What She Said", I mean, "No Way I'm Going Down".

download Whitecross "No Way I'm Going Down"

Uncensored santas, vol. 4

2007-12-13T15:05:00.000-05:00

More raw Santa audio.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Popin'

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - He's Using a Fist

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - All Over You

Let's Get Political - Week 1

2007-12-12T14:57:00.000-05:00

What's really important in politics.

download LGP Week 1

Uncensored Santa, Volume 3

2007-12-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

Even more raw Santa audio.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Oh Come

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Santa's Helper

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Santa's Sack

Vegas DUIQ 2

2007-12-10T14:32:00.000-05:00

A wasted electrician. Ionic!

download Dippin' DUIQ

Santa Craigslists - Volume 2

2007-12-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

More raw Santa audio.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Solid and Tight

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Ride my Cock

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Touching You, I Get Bigger

Santa Craigslists - Volume 1

2007-12-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Some of the best of all time. Full audio segments on-air next week.

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Nina the Naughty Elf

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Orgasm into the Night

download Kraigslist Kristmas Konfidential - Touching You, I Get Bigger

Uncensored Craigslist vol. 5

2007-12-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

It's time for some street audio - maybe tomorrow. Until then, here's some perverts.

This guy must have found my posting in Atlanta. (radio DJs)
download Craigslist Confidential - wcum

A man who apparently has a rather stiff segment on his body. (Wordsmith)
download Craigslist Confidential - Turgid member

Here's a professional wrestler.
download Craigslist Confidential - Rick the Dick

Uncensored Craigslist Vol. 4

2007-11-28T11:41:00.000-05:00

I wasn't up to too much on the air this week, but was preparing for future hijinks. Here's,

A gentleman describing his proclivity for fornication,
download Craigslist Confidential - I <3 doing it

A man who likes to cuddle,
download Craigslist Confidential - Kenny the cuddler

Go check out Mortskeman, holla!
download Craigslist Confidential - Mortskeman

And a spewing robot
download Craigslist Confidential - I <3 doing it

Uncensored Craiglist Vol 3

2007-11-26T07:43:00.000-05:00

Here's a few not-so-dirty ones from the "Wordsmith" excursion. I'm thinking I will stop bleeping the phone numbers on ones that turn out really sick.

download Craigslist Confidential - Andrew

download Craigslist Confidential - Jerry

download Craigslist Confidential - Joe

download Craigslist Confidential - Rolph

2007-11-25T21:37:00.001-05:00

One more time, before it even hits the presses:

download TMX Show Opener 9

Uncensored Craigslist vol. 2

2007-11-21T10:16:00.000-05:00

These are a few from March-ish, I believe. They were supposed to be Elvis-themed, but leave it up to confused foreigners and a "black guy" to fuddle the whole thing up.

download Craigslist Confidential - A Black Guy

download Craigslist Confidential - Carl

download Craigslist Confidential - Yelsi

I sling E

2007-11-19T19:19:00.000-05:00

What happens when you mix the worst music in history and an alleged Ecstasy dealer?

download Viva Las Drunks week 1

Make it rain

2007-11-16T05:38:00.000-05:00

I'd be on TV if I'd been allowed to do the bit, but I like this, as well:

download Perdue's Wetness

UNCENSORED Craigslist

2007-11-12T22:19:00.000-05:00

Alright, Jews and Gentiles, here are the months-promised uncensored Craigslist messages. Some were aired, some were not. These are some of the damned best, though. Below are two from the most recent, Radio DJ version.

download Craigslist Confidential - Radio DJ Rick Dees

download Craigslist Confidential - Radio DJ Long Pervert

p.s., Don't call, please?

Rick Dees Nuts to You!

2007-11-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

The original airing, and the re-lapse.

download Craigslist Confidential - Radio DJs

download Craigslist Confidential - Radio DJs extras

I swear I'm really getting on the TV version

2007-11-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

Behold last week's drunken Halloweenie and this week's chat with a puking dipper.

download Spooky DUIQ

download Dippin' DUIQ

Talkin' Baseball while handlin' my rosin bag

2007-11-05T13:13:00.000-05:00

Casey would be proud.

download Craigslist Confidential - Baseball announcers

More of the skin flick

2007-11-02T22:39:00.000-04:00

Part 3

Part 4

Would I get in trouble for posting the title of this work, being "white"

2007-11-01T22:33:00.000-04:00

Something from the 70s I was heretofore unaware of. It's quite adult, and it's only been viewed a few thousand times on Youtube. It takes a while to get through. Enjoy it at the same pace I do.

Part 1/10

Part 2/10

Who likes abortion humor?

2007-10-29T21:15:00.000-04:00

Unlike with Larry Munson, this bit left a lot of disappointed females.

download Sebas the Swami

Sure this Craigslist wasn't inspired by a traffic jam?

2007-10-29T16:03:00.000-04:00

Craigslist from a longer while ago. The dump will start soon.

download Craigslist Confidential - Celebrities

Raawr - I'm going to give you the camel clutch.

2007-10-27T20:27:00.000-04:00

Craigslist from a little while ago. You should hear the ones we couldn't air. No, really, you should.

download Craigslist Confidential - Wrestler

I am seeing . . . a sexual harrassment lawsuit in your future

2007-10-26T11:16:00.001-04:00

Plenty of opportunity for hilarity. Hope I pull it off.

download Brazilian Bride

Green Card Groom

2007-10-26T10:43:00.000-04:00

She's classy enough to take pictures of her turds and put them online, so she's good enough for me.

download Brazilian Bride

Visit her Myspace, you sheep

The original DUIQ

download Brazilian DUIQ

CUIQ

2007-10-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

Carney IQ. Apparently funnier than I expected

download CUIQ

Mr. Bill

2007-09-28T11:18:00.000-04:00

Go to this link:

http://www.wrfx.com/pages/bill.html

I'm still not well enough to type long-form, but this had to be revealed. Easily the best puker I've ever heard in radio when he was on 96 Rock, and thanks to TnA, he's been found again. Listen streaming in the afternoons if you wanna get trashed, roll a doob, and scam on chicks with the T-tops off.

Who would create this sickness?

2007-09-26T19:09:00.000-04:00

Youtube link

Herbert interviews Kid Nation

2007-09-22T08:10:00.000-04:00

Pretty self-explanatory:

All the same, but:

Funny or Die link
99X AV Room link

Stand Down Showdown

2007-09-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

Here's the story and response from the pro's.

download Stand Down Showdown

download Matt Kirshen

Show intro #19

2007-09-07T18:24:00.000-04:00

Again, before it even hits the presses:

download NMX Show Opener 19

It's a race riot.

2007-09-03T14:54:00.000-04:00

Scratching the surface of racial tensions. Me and friends outside the Georgia Dome with Vick supporters.

download Vick Protest

Have you ever seen me look sleazier?

2007-09-02T17:31:00.000-04:00

Lady Licks-a-Lot

2007-08-01T18:22:00.000-04:00

Lady Licks-a-Lot of pu$5y is what the letter she sent me actually said.

download Dear Stabby 08/01/07

Tim had a good idea about preparing a book. Look for more news in a few months.

Stab, stab, shank, repeat

2007-07-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

You know, I've not yet posted any Dear Stabbies here. So, here's the most recent ones:

download Dear Stabby 07/12/07

download Dear Stabby 06/14/07

Another show intro preview

2007-07-27T12:09:00.001-04:00

Right here. Coming up next week, The Bobby Cox files. I like them.

download NMX Show Opener 15

Wanna hear a show intro before it even airs on Monday?

2007-07-25T12:37:00.000-04:00

Then check this out:

download NMX Show Opener 14

Going to Lollapalooza

2007-07-21T16:38:00.000-04:00

I was selected (out of two people, one of whom was Jamie Massey) to go to Lollapalooza in two weeks. That means a nice hotel, free tickets, (hopefully) backstage access, and a weekend in fabulous Chicago.

What to do to fully take advantage of this opportunity? I'm not sure, but since I'm likely rooming with Dutch, you can bet it'll be awkward for one of us.

Hello's, y'all

2007-07-09T10:03:00.000-04:00

Show intro's aplenty:

download NMX Show Opener 9

download NMX Show Opener 13

Some older stuff - American Idol

2007-07-06T13:29:00.000-04:00

Here's some older stuff thanks to a fansite. Myself at the American Idol finale 2004.

download 2004 American Idol

More to come!

2007-07-03T18:43:00.001-04:00

Going to have a working vacation over the next three days, so this site should see a lot more action. Additionally, career plans, heavy drinking, and the like will be "brainstormed". Of course, that means watching Rachel Ray and drinking vodka from a plastic bottle.

In the mean-time, here is, what I think, is an underrated Optimus Prime interview I produced and co-wrote:

download Optimus Prime interview

And a joke fer ya:

download 07/03 JJ

Daily Audio - 6/26

2007-06-26T12:50:00.000-04:00

Gay guys grabbed my ass over the weekend.
Urban Explorer - Pride

Monday Daily Audio

2007-06-23T13:08:00.000-04:00

Jerk Joke 6/20

Sean wanted us to make a parody commercial about bagging groceries. He thought it would be really interesting. We didn't, so we decided to rip on him instead.
Bagging Competition

Robo and Domestico-violenceo Craigslist

2007-06-22T19:51:00.000-04:00

This week's, and one of the all-time favorites:

Craigslist Confidential - Angry Sex

Craigslist Confidential - Robo-phone sex 1

Craigslist Confidential - Robo-phone sex 2

Daily Audio

2007-06-19T21:13:00.000-04:00

Wanna produce your own New Morning X? Use some of these fabulous pre-produced intros:

Intro 1

Intro 2

Intro 3

Intro 10

What, jump straight to 10? BTW, Conchords is mediocre.

Parody Songs

2007-06-10T12:13:00.000-04:00

Sean Demery's Bait Shop

Hitler's Bait Shop

Paris Hilton's Bait Shop

Ransom "Lasting Love"

2007-05-23T12:37:00.000-04:00

Ransom - Lasting Love

Ahhh-aaaaaaaaaahhh.

Daily Audio - 5/22

2007-05-22T19:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's DUIQ:

5/21 DUIQ

And here's some of the dating setup:

Date Sebas setup

Daily Audio - 5/15

2007-05-15T17:25:00.000-04:00

I'm slacking, but more equipment should fix that. For now, yesterday's DUIQ:

5/14 DUIQ

I'll implement one of these everyday to help.

The Crucified

2007-05-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

The Crucified - Mindbender

Betcha didn't know how heavy Jesus love could get.

Daily audio - 5/08

2007-05-08T15:23:00.000-04:00

Coming up, delightful imaging, but first:

1/29 DUIQ

Craigslist Confidential - Talk Like Elvis

Daily Audio - 5/07

2007-05-07T17:17:00.000-04:00

Today's Jerk Joke, and past delightfulness.

5/07

2/14

Stryper

2007-05-05T12:00:00.000-04:00

Stryper-From Wrong to Right

Classic Christian Thrash.

Stryper's Bio

5/4 Daily Audio

2007-05-04T16:15:00.000-04:00

We're back-cataloging today, so here's what we got. More to come next week. Fresh and fun!

4/13

3/27

Porn Camp

2007-05-03T18:15:00.000-04:00

Porn Camp! Whacking Meadows

That's Oxbow Academy.

Trytan

2007-05-02T14:06:00.000-04:00

Trytan - Genesis

Holy Christmas, this song kicks ass. I'm calling it now as my pro wrestling intro song.

I'll add the bio later.

Daily Audio 5/01

2007-05-01T13:24:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's DUIQ, today's Conan-quality monologue material, and a link to the porno ranch I talked about today: Oxbow Academy More on that soon.

5/01

4/30 DUIQ

The Daniel Band

2007-05-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

Today's Heaven's Metal selection is from the warriors of Christ known as The Daniel Band.

Daniel Band - You're All I Need

It really is worthwhile to read the bio's. Unintentional 90's comedy gold!

Daily audio - 4/30

2007-04-30T13:14:00.000-04:00

Couple of Jerk Jokes, both today's, and an oldie from March 23rd. We'll get todays DUIQs and some older stuff tomorrow.

4/30

3/23

Righteous!

2007-04-30T12:00:00.000-04:00

Let's start out with this:

download

This is Jesus Metal from a 1992 tape set I picked up at the Sandy Springs Goodwill. It's a compilation of 31 Bible-metal bands. Yes, there were at least 31 bands under the Heaven's Metal mantle. Actually, Heaven's Metal still exists as HM magazine. Check out their Wikipedia for more info.

This track is a bluesy throwdown from "Resurrection Band" about going to heaven. Excuse the quality, as I had to digitally edit out some of the tape noise. I think we can all agree that it still kicks Satan's ass, though.

Click on the thumbnail to see RB's bio.

Coming soon on the site will be my daily audio, archives, and we'll continue to track out the war against that devil who lives in all the hearts of the non-believers.

-Sebas